Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Brokenness

I think the further you get on your walk with Christ sometimes, the more you realize just how broken you really are. And I think that brokenness is so central to God moulding us and changing us. It is when we are at our utmost brokenness that God uses us and shows his power through our weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9).

We realize how much we need God. And thank you Lord, for He is a relentless, loving God!

“For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God.” Colossians 3:3

 

Healing Begins - Tenth Avenue

So you thought you had to keep this up
All the work that you do
So we think that you're good
And you can't believe it's not enough
All the walls you built up
Are just glass on the outside

So let 'em fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

Afraid to let your secrets out
Everything that you hide
Can come crashing through the door now
But too scared to face all your fear
So you hide but you find
That the shame won't disappear

So let it fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now
We're here now, oh

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

Sparks will fly as grace collides
With the dark inside of us
So please don't fight
This coming light
Let this blood come cover us
His blood can cover us

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

Saturday, August 27, 2011

A Heart Fully Alive

“The glory of God is man fully alive.”
-Saint Irenaeus

“I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened…” 
Ephesians 1:18

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Idols

For the past month or so, after watching a sermon about idols by Mark Driscoll, it’s been pretty obvious for me that I have idols I have in my life.  Of course, as Christians, we probably realize that there’s always something that we seem to put above God. 

I’m thankful that God has shown me what the idols may be, but getting them out is another matter.  I find that when I overcome one idol, another one suddenly comes.  It’ll definitely require a lot of discipline.

“Change won’t happen through ‘trying harder’ but only through encountering the radical grace of God.”
- Tim Keller

Pray that God would reveal Himself, and that I would continue to see Him as more precious than anything else.  That the problem of worshipping other things other than God would not seem appealing.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Serving in CCF Committee

So this Spring term (May-Aug) has been the first term serving on the CCF Committee.  Experience has been good overall. 

It’s a blessing to be able to serve the fellowship as a whole, and be able to be more intimately involved with how the fellowship runs.  Committee meetings have also served as a "mini cell group”; which is good, because I chose not to join a DG this term due to business of serving on Committee as well as doing Outreach.

I’ve also learned some lessons.  I would say that I wasn’t focused enough this term on how I wanted to serve the fellowship and what my purpose was being on Committee.  I felt many times that I was just doing/serving and not motivated on why I was doing what I was doing. For Friday nights, I would either be doing worship or had something I needed to do.  At times, I know I wasn’t worshipping God with my all as I was focused on making sure things would be fine; which is a little ironic. 

So as I serve on Committee for the coming year (2011-12), I definitely want to take some more time before the year starts to gather where God has called me to lead/serve.  I need to continue to seek God’s will onto where my role in the fellowship will be.  I don’t want to get caught up with the “busyness” or the amount of logistics that may need to be accomplished.  I want to have my eyes fixed on Christ, and the mission to which He has called me to.

I’ll be serving as Communications for the coming year.  So as I seek God’s will, and figure out what it would me to be the person who is the “bridge” between Committee and the rest of the fellowship, I would ask for your prayers for wisdom and discipline.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

The Cross of Christ

“As to the object of your affections, in an especial manner, let it be the cross of Christ, which has exceeding efficacy towards the disappointment of the whole work of indwelling sin: “God forbid that I should glory, save in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, whereby the world is crucified unto me, and I unto the world” (Gal. 6:14). The cross of Christ he [Paul] gloried and rejoiced in; this his heart was set upon; and these were the effects of it—it crucified the world unto him, made it a dead and undesirable thing. The baits and pleasures of sin are taken all of them out of the world. . . . If the heart be filled with the cross of Christ, it casts death and undesirableness upon them all; it leaves no seeming beauty, no appearing pleasure or comeliness, in them. Again, says he, “It crucifies me to the world; makes my heart, my affections, my desires, dead unto any of these things.” It roots up corrupt lusts and affections, leaves no principle to go forth and make provision for the flesh, to fulfill the lusts thereof. Labor, therefore, to fill your hearts with the cross of Christ . . . that there may be no room for sin.”

-John Owen, On Indwelling Sin in Believers

Monday, June 20, 2011

Work like an Armenian, Sleep like a Calvinist?

I don’t get it..why can only Calvinists “sleep well”?  I don’t know whether I’m Calvinist or Armenian..all I know is that I can rest fully in Christ.  I am saved by grace through faith, not of myself, but in Christ alone.  I can boast only in Christ.  He is my rock and my salvation.  Salvation comes from the Lord.  The gospel of Christ bought our justification, reconciliation, sanctification and so much more.  I am free from sin, and rest in knowing that He who started a good work in me will finish it. 

“And so I submit for your consideration that we live and sleep simply as Christians. We should work hard without reservation and we can sleep well knowing God is sovereign.” – from http://caffeinatedthoughts.com/2010/04/work-like-an-arminian-sleep-like-a-calvinist/

If Christians can say that we can’t explain the Trinity because we can’t understand God with our limited minds, then why do we need to try to explain Calvinism and Armenianism?

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Matt Chandler sermon from #TGC11 quotes (paraphrased)

“Human beings have a rejoicing problem. We rejoice only on the surface (the created, not the creator).”

“Glorifying and delighting in the creature rather than his Creator is blasphemous vanity."

“God constantly calls us back to remembrance of what he has done in us and for us for his own glory."

“Remembering rightly redeems our rejoicing."

"We do not move on from the gospel. It saves, it sustains us, in which you now stand.”

“Paul is constantly preaching the gospel over and over to Christians because we constantly forget."

“Paul is the most free and untouchable person I know. “We’re going to kill you.” “Yes! I’m GOING HOME!” “We’re going to let you live!” “To live is Christ” “We’re going to torture you.” “Share in Christ’s sufferings!” “We’re going to put you in prison Paul” “Ok, I’ll just convert all your prisoners and guards…”
Why was he untouchable? The Gospel."

“You find out if you understand the gospel when you fail. Approach the throne of grace w/ confidence? Or go away to “clean yourself” before going back to God? If we don’t approach the throne of grace boldly after sinning, we don’t understand or we forgot the Gospel."

“What Christ has done = our unshakable firm foundation.”

3 main points:

  1. Be regenerate: believe the gospel
  2. Live in constant meditation on the gospel
  3. Walk by spirit, not by flesh: marvel at the gospel

Click here for Audio of Sermon

Saturday, April 9, 2011

Peace and Comfort

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 4:6-7

“Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way.”
2 Thessalonians 3:16

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.  For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives , so also through Christ our comfort overflows.”
2 Corinthians 1:3-5

“May your unfailing love be my comfort”
Psalm 119:76

“For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.  For what is see is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”
2 Corinthians 4:17-18

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose.”
Romans 8:28

Grant us supernatural peace and comfort O Lord!

Wait upon You

If I can say it's ok (and even important) to use 20 mins to "relax", listen to music, go on facebook, when I have tons to study for, then why not use it to wait upon God or read His Word!  How much more important is that!

I hear of people saying things about how when you’re busy, how can you NOT pray!... or “too busy not to pray”!  I can’t say I feel that way.  How often would I say, “Ok God, I’m really really really busy right now, so I HAVE to spend some time with you in prayer!” 

Help me not neglect You during these exam times!

Friday, April 8, 2011

Freedom

Do you know what freedom feels like? 

How many Christians actually live like they are FREE? Not bound by the law, free from the need to perform and to act by our own righteousness, not bound by sin…

“For sin shall not be master over you, for you are not under law but under grace.”

Romans 6:14

How many Christians learn about God’s grace, and Christ’s work on the cross, but then think of all the acts of righteousness they have to do to be Christian?!  We are free from the law!  Christ died so that we didn’t have to provide our own righteousness!  His righteousness is imputed on us, and the Spirit is actively working out our sanctification!

O Joy!

Monday, April 4, 2011

Why Calvinism Works for me (HOPE)

With a Breaking-Down the Brick Walls cell group meeting today about Calvinism, I wanted to blog about how it has affected how I view God, and my experiences. 

I won’t explain all the points/theologies of Calvinism, but some of the main points it stresses is the complete sovereignty of God and the depravity of man.

Both of those points (God’s sovereignty, and man’s depravity) are supported by the Bible.  If you want tons of Scripture references of Calvinism see Desiring God’s website (which explains the five points of Calvinism, TULIP).  I’m not going to get into that, because the main things I want to say here are why it has worked for me, in my personal experience.  (plus, I’m not an expert on it either)

I believe in the depravity of man not only because the Bible talks about it, but also because in my own experience, I find I am completely depraved.  Every part of me wants to turn away from God, wants to disobey Him and sin.  Many times in the past, I would stray from God, and the only thing that brought me back to Him was His grace.  God would use people, brothers/sisters, to wake me up.  I am only who I am today because of the place God put me, and the people He put in my life.  There are times when I just suddenly understand God’s grace, and can attribute it to none other than the Spirit gradually working and changing me.  I can’t boast in anything that I do now, or who I am, because it is all because of Christ alone.  If it were not for His relentlessness, I would still be blind and dead, and not able to to desire Him. 

Because I believe in the sovereignty of God and my own depravity, I also have hope.  If it were up to myself, I just would not be able to trust in my own flesh to do anything good or righteous.  But it is God who works in me to will and to work for His good pleasure.  I don’t need to despair for my sinfulness, because I know that it’s not because of what I do, but what Christ has done on the cross and continues to do in me through His Holy Spirit.

I think one thing a lot of us struggle with is understanding Christ’s forgiveness (EDIT: and the mortification of sin).  We sin, and instead of going to God for forgiveness, we distance ourselves from Him, thinking we aren’t “worthy”.  We have to understand that Christ has already forgiven us and that the Spirit is working in us to conform us into Christ’s image.  If we just think of how we aren’t “good enough”, or “I’m not doing enough”, “I’m sinning too much”, then we don’t understand that it doesn’t depend on us, but on God to change us.  Trust in Him that He WILL finish the work He started in us.

A view and understanding of God’s sovereignty also allows us to not be anxious in anything we do.  Whatever happens, no matter the circumstances, we can trust in a God who is almighty and has everything under control.  I don’t have to worry about school, fellowship, my own relationship with God, career, etc etc, because I know that no matter what happens, God is King over His creation.  He will accomplish whatever brings Him glory and lead us to Him in everything, all for His name’s sake.

Now does that mean we just sit idle? NO…  If I believe in a God of such grace and love, how can I not worship and praise Him?  How can I just sit there and be content in not actively killing my sin and making disciples!  If the Spirit is in me, I believe that He will continue to convict me of my sin and teach and mold me to Christ's likeness in everything.  There’s a difference between trying to conform yourself into Christ’s image by your own strength, and just waiting and relying on God to do it.  It is both God who works in me and an active effort on my part to accomplish what is to be done.

This view of God’s sovereignty and our depravity also allows me to say that no man is better than another.  We ALL fall short of the glory of God, no one is righteous.  Any good thing that I see my brother/sister do is not because of his/her own effort, but because of God’s grace.

I think one thing that people (or me at least) have struggled with in the past, is seeing the passion of other brothers and sisters.  Sometimes, I look at their passion or what they are doing, and tell myself: “Why am I not doing that?  Why am I not desiring God that much?”.  It’s good to look up to other godly people in our lives and strive to be like them (though ultimately we strive to be like Christ), but it can lead to despair if we realize we don’t and can’t have that same passion if we rely on ourselves.  But if I believe in man’s total depravity and God’s sovereign grace in all of us, then I would understand that the passion and desires that I see in other people are not because they are any better than me, but because it is God working in them.  It is completely because of God!  And He will work in me to do the same!  I need to stop looking focusing so much on what I need to do and how much sin I’m committing and instead look to what Christ has done (not that it’s not good to see to evaluate and examine one’s life and faith, because the Bible tells us to do that, but ultimately our main focus is on God’s love and work in us and not ours).

I believe in God’s complete sovereignty but also that we have free will.  I think both can be true (both from the Bible and from my own experience, I’m actively choosing to write this blog aren’t I?  But I’ve learnt these things and am only able to write them because of God’s grace).

I also know that with Calvinism comes many other controversial subjects like unconditional election, etc.  But this post was more about how it has affected my view on life, etc than an explanation of the points of Calvinsim (because I myself don’t know completely of how I would answer all the possible questions/controversies that could come up).

It’s possible that sometimes we just have a mix up with terms and definitions.  Someone who says they are Armenian could also believe in a lot of the same things I’ve pointed but still say they are more Armenian than Calvinist.  We believe in the same God, but if He is God, then is it right to limit Him to the confines of the human mind?

EDIT: Armenians also hold to Total Depravity.  And I want to note I don’t know enough to say I can conclusively take a side (I lean more towards Calvinism).  Neither do I/we need to.

EDIT2:

My Hope is Not in Myself but in Christ - Paul Washer
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OQ941ERut2M
Doesn't depend on us but on God!!

Bonds

I’m going to pull a Jorge, and use an anime to introduce the blog post (if you don’t know anything about Yugioh, or don’t what’s happening you can just skip the section =p).

***********************************************************

So if you didn’t know, I actually play Yugioh.  I don’t actually own cards, but my brother does and so I played with him before and have played in tournaments before.  I sometimes follow anime series, but haven’t been doing it the past few months.  This morning, I randomly came across the last episode of the season (just came out the last week).  So I watched a random part of it.

A major theme of the Yugioh TV series is that of “bonds”.  The main characters go across many obstacles but through their friendships together, their faith + hope in one another, they get through them.

In this final episode, the theme is illustrated again in a duel between two of the main characters (Yusei Fudo and Jack Atlas).  In one scene, Yusei is at a huge disadvantage, Jack has his ace monster out, and Yusei has nothing but 2 small monsters.  In his turn though, he is able to summon 3 more monsters.  The 5 monsters that he has on the field are all monsters with low level and low Attack power, individually they are weak, and anyone who saw them would probably wonder why Yusei even uses them in his deck.  But using the power of all of them, Yusei is able to beat Jack’s larger more powerful monsters with weak monsters.  The characters are once again reminded that the bonds they have with one another make them stronger.

The video will automatically start to the scene. =p  But if you like Yugioh, or want to watch epic card dueling with epic music, rewind and watch the whole video from the beginning. lol

*************************************************************

In the same way, we may be weak individually, but we are meant to live in community.  Together, we are able to build each other, encourage one another and grow in maturity; discipling one another into Christ’s image. 

“ …though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him---a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”
Ecclesiastes 4:12

“Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.”
Ephesians 4:15-16

It’s a beautiful picture that God put us together to worship and glorify Him together as one Body, one Church.

The characters in Yugioh are able to have hope when looking into the future because they believe that together they can break down any walls that bar their paths.

In our case, we should have even more hope!  Because Christ is our head; we have a God who loves us and is sovereign.  We not only can rely on our brothers and sisters, but first and more importantly, we have hope in God. 

“…If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? Who shall bring any charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies. Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died---more than that, who was raised---who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?”
Romans 8:31-35

Sunday, April 3, 2011

CCF Sharing Night Winter 2011

For notes/minutes of the night of sharing, see Google Docs:

For more concise notes (made by Jlin, Jorge and Josh): Click Here

For more conclusive/detailed notes, see my notes: Click Here

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Trying to clear mind can be hard at times =/

So much happening so much to think about sometimes + exams are coming and my exams are all packed together for the first time in my university career (I was lucky enough before that they are spread out).  This means I have one week to study for all my exams before they start next Friday (I have exams April 8,9,11,12,14 =p).

It’s hard sometimes to just sit down and think clearly.  I’m not super anxious or stressed, but I still keep thinking and going through the things I want to get done…

Completely letting go and surrendering can be so hard sometimes…

Help me to just rely completely on You Lord =)

Monday, March 28, 2011

Fire Fall Down

Can you imagine what God would do on this campus if all those who call ourselves Christ followers would rise up and say “Here I am Lord use me!!!!”

Friday, March 4, 2011

School and Academics for me, last 2 years

So I stayed up till practically 5AM last night finishing my biochem assignment.  I finished it and was decently satisfied with the answers to the questions.  I’m pretty sure I can pass.  But I’m still fretting about it a little, because I want to do more than pass =p.  Someone reminded me that it’s “only worth 5%”, but every mark counts right?

Believe it or not, Just half a year ago, I didn’t really go to school by that statement.  If you’re reading this and only just met me this year, then you probably don’t know a lot about my past academics in university.  But when I look back, I can only see how pathetic and stupid I was towards school.

I came to university with great excitement from high school.  To meet new people, gain new experiences and also to learn more.  But in high school, I was a complete slacker.  I don’t even know if I ever “studied” for a test or exam EVER.  I just went to class and did my homework (with procrastination of course), but NEVER really reviewed anything.  But, I’m sure as many people can attest, high school is super easy when compared to university.  I did mighty well mark-wise.

So I came having practically no experience on what it really meant to “work my butt off”.  I had never really stressed too much in high school, and so I had the same attitude coming in.  Suffice it to say that over 4 terms in school the last 2 years, I failed a lot of courses I shouldn’t have.  And it was not because I was dumb or just didn’t understand a lot of stuff, my work ethic just SUCKED and I didn’t even care enough.

I got a 13% in Linear Algebra in first term…you’re probably saying how is that possible?!?  It shouldn’t be..I just did not do ANYTHING for the course…I didn’t study, I didn’t do the assignments, started skipping class a month into the term.  I barely passed physics..and i don’t know how I managed an 80 in chem.  But I went from a 90average student to a 50average, right in first term..simply because i did not work hard.

The next 3 terms went by similarly.  You would think I would learn my lesson, but i didn’t… at least not right away.  I failed 2 of the basic biol courses because I didn’t show up to the mandatory tutorials enough and missed out on too much marks there, even though I passed my exam.  There was a term where I was so behind that I just gave up and didn’t show up for the exam!  SO bad right?  I know all you school workaholics (jkingss) are probably wide mouthed right now.

I just didn’t care enough…

That’s why I’m so THANKFUL this term.  I’m still procrastinating like crazy, but now I’m actually doing all my work and assignments no matter how late or how much work there was.  I’m not giving up so easily…. 

Maybe it took 2 years for me to finally get why I’m here and what I should be doing.  But I thank God that He’s shown me and given me more motivation to do well.  I can’t say I understand the concept of what it means to glorify God in everything I do completely.  But I do know that if I can’t even handle the little trials that I face here in school, then I won’t be able to handle the bigger tasks in life that God will call me to do.  How can I serve God, when I can’t even handle a little work here in university?  I need to learn to trust Him and work for Him!  And even though, marks aren’t everything, how would it look if I say I’m a Christian, but am I complete slacker?  How can I help others and have a life of integrity, when I can’t even put effort or work hard when I need to in school?

By God’s grace, I’ll be able to come out of this term having done a lot better academically.  I still worry that I won’t do well, but I need to rely on God and just keep on persevering!

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Technology and our Ego, Purpose for Doing Things

“The ego is the part of us that loves power. It is the part that loves to be seen, recognized, praised, and adored. Facebook provides a powerful platform for this. It provides a platform by which every word, picture, or thought I have can be seen, praised, 'liked'. As a result, I begin to seek this. But then it doesn't just stay in the cyber world. I begin even to live my life with this visibility in mind. Suddenly, I live every experience, every photo, every thought, as if it's being watched, because in the back of my mind I'm thinking, "I'll put it on Facebook." This creates a very interesting state of being, almost a constant sense that I am living my life on display. I become ever conscious of being watched, because everything can be put up on Facebook for others to see and comment on.”

-from HuffingtonPostReligion

We live in a society that relies on technology.  No doubt for us students, technology is one of the biggest distractions.  We can spend loads of time on Facebook or Youtube instead of doing our assignments or studying.  I’m sure it shows if we looked at stats (if there were any) of how students spent their time 30 years ago in university and how we spend our time now in the 21st century. 

Technology has definitely made many parts of our lives more convenient.  Never before has the world as a whole been so connected.  We can stay in contact with friends and family around the world through instant messaging, email and social networks.  I can ask someone how they are doing by sending an email and immediately in a few minutes get a response.  We can stay in contact with more people than ever before through things like Facebook, Twitter and email.  I can easily stay in contact with someone I just met on a trip or in a conference.  We can share information, insights, pictures and videos very easily through social networks and blogs.  Breaking news will travel instantly across the world and millions of people can know about something minutes after it happens (especially with advent of Twitter).

Besides being a distraction for productivity sometimes though, technology can also be something that can inflate our ego.  The article that the quote above was taken from puts it very bluntly (go read it!).  We want to be seen, heard and praised by other people.  We look for people’s approval instead of God’s.  It’s true that even without Facebook or Twitter, that desire innate in us would still be there.  I see that especially evident in my life when with large groups of friends.  I sometimes find myself doing things to get people’s attention, or gain their approval.  But Facebook and Twitter provides another way for us to do it and it is a constant temptation (at least for me) to not let other people’s thoughts towards me influence my actions. 

If we let those things drive our lives, then they will become idols.  We put the importance of other people’s thoughts and attitudes towards us above God’s.  We become prideful and self-centered, seeking our own glory instead of God’s.

Sometimes we fast from technology (ie. no Facebook for a month!!!), and it definitely helps in reminding yourself what values are important in life, etc etc.  But I think we need to also go to the core of the problem: our desire for our own glory and not God’s.  Fasting may only cover the problem instead of solving it if we don’t reflect on its purpose.

So why do we do the things we do?  Why do you work hard in school?  Why am I serving in this ministry?  I’ve been asking myself a lot of questions towards my purpose of doing things recently.  I think because I so easily fall to glorifying myself, I need to constantly remind myself for why I should be doing things.  I want to reflect on the gospel, on eternal things, and on what really matters; not on things that are petty and meaningless.

I’m definitely really thankful that God has given us His Spirit to convict us of our sins.  But it also takes a huge amount of faith that God will continue to sanctify us into His image.  Without that faith, we become anxious and worried and start to rely on ourselves to fix our problems.  So I definitely need to pray that God will continue to convict me and give me the strength to change from my ways.

Monday, February 28, 2011

update - Family, War, Christian “Pretender” or Christ Follower?

So went back home last reading week…each time I go back from Waterloo during a term in school, I’m always a little wary of the fact that I have an obligation to be loving to my family, like Christ and to find a way to preach the gospel to them.  I’ve learned to be able to trust God more and rely less on myself when it comes to spreading the gospel to them. 

It’s definitely a battleground for me spiritually back home.  My family being non Christian, and living with them for all my life, it’s really hard for me to talk to them and love them in the same way I love my brothers and sisters from fellowship or church.  I can’t relate to them as much and find it uncomfortable to talk to them about spiritual matters.  There is pride in myself when I talk to my parents as well as pride that they have (I don’t even feel comfortable saying that..should I be?  I can’t say I can rebuke them either because they aren’t Christian?  Confused smile). 

My heart is also definitely been hardened towards them over all these years, where I’ve been able to open up with brothers in sisters in Christ, but not to my parents because of that difference in beliefs.  And so it has only gotten harder and harder to find a way to draw close to them relationally….and it’s a loop that I know that I need God’s grace to break…  Only He can soften my hard heart (Ezek 11:19).

But I think when it comes down to it, it (I guess a lot of things too in our spiritual walks) can be attributed to the fact that I just don’t preach the gospel regularly to myself enough and don’t spend enough time with God.  In Waterloo, I can feel more “Christian” because I’m around fellow Christians, I can have “spiritual discussions”, watch sermons, read the Bible, pray, go to CCF events, etc etc etc.  But when I go back, it all falls apart.  I don’t have fellow Christians to have “spiritual discussions”, I have less desire to read God’s Word, to watch sermons; it’s war.  But all these things in reality don’t matter if your heart is not truly in it.  If I just do these things, it might not mean anything to God.  (Isaiah 1:11-17)

Am I truly seeking God all the time?  The “Christian” things I do here in Waterloo might just be an illusion to me, that fools me into thinking that I’m “ok” with God.  But when I go back home into the battlefield, I realize….I don’t even know how to use the Sword, or how to defend myself from arrows…

Thank you Lord, that you give us Grace to do Your will and that your Spirit convicts us of our sin.  Help us to persevere and trust in You, that You are working in Us, and making us more like Christ everyday. 

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Going to try out Tumblr…

So blogging is hard sometimes…You want to share something, but don’t have time (or don’t want to make time) to write up an elaborate, detailed post about your thoughts on it.  Or sometimes you just want to share a quote, picture, or link.  Twitter is too short and random.  So I’m going to give Tumblr a try for when I just want to share some small insight.

http://jamvng.tumblr.com

I’ll keep using this blog for more indepth sharing..

Friday, February 25, 2011

Signs you’re growing in Grace

Some tweets from @ScottyWardSmith :

We enjoy and deepen our relationship with Jesus always by grace and daily by choice

"Legalism is attractive because it is safe." Graeme Goldsworthy

The weight of grace (its glory) makes the wait for grace (its provision) more than bearable. Jesus will be on time.

The grace that justifies us doesn't justify our acting like mannerless morons.Tip well, be on time, wipe your feet, etc.

To cleanse the heart is beyond the power of the creature; it can no more make itself holy, than make itself to be. Manton

The problem with legalism is that it isn't legalistic enough. It's not demanding enough to make Jesus necessary

Following Jesus to earn your righteousness = an impossibility. Claiming Jesus' righteousness w/out following him = a myth

Another sign you're growing in grace. You've actually read Nahum and Obadiah

Another sign you're growing in grace. You catch people "doing it right" in a 3 to 1 ratio to "doing it wrong"

Another sign you're growing in grace. You don't try to take 23 items through the 10 item speed check out line at Publix

Another sign you're growing in grace. You're in your seat in the worship center 7 minutes early to pray for the service

Another sign you're growing in grace. On a 2-lane-becoming-1 road, you don't speed up just to jet around 3 extra cars

Another sign you're growing in grace. Your repentances come quicker with less pouting, excuses and vain promises

Another sign you're growing in grace. You throw less pity-parties, because you go to Jesus quicker than to self-contempt

Another sign you're growing in grace. You talk about your justification 10 times more than your victimization

Another sign you're growing in grace. You quote Jesus more than you quote Tim Keller

A sign you're growing in grace is a commitment to give your spouse focused, unrushed attention at the END of the day

A sign you're growing in grace is just grabbing a browie without looking for the biggest or best crust-edged brownie

A sign you're growing in grace is when you use less labels to dismiss people or marginalize their comments

A sign you're growing in grace is still being gracious to telemarketers when they call your protected phone number

A sign you're growing in grace is a commitment to pray for people you'd really rather gossip about

A sign you're growing in grace is not texting or reading emails on your pda while driving, with or without kids

Another sign you're growing in grace. You no longer simply assume if you can pay for something you really can afford it

Another sign you're growing in grace. You recognize the subtle ways you're living justification by sanctification

Another sign you're growing in grace. Your spouse and children are the first to notice the signs

Another sign you're growing in grace. You get sucker-punched by condemnation for sin less often, but convicted much more

A sign you're growing in grace. You don't use your car horn to curse bad drivers, but appropriately caution & warn them

A sign you're growing in grace. The gospel still astonishes & humbles you. It's not just cliche or the name of your tribe

A sign you're growing in grace. The more you learn about Jesus & the gospel the more you realize how little YOU know.

A sign you're growing in grace: You're thinking more about the new heaven & new earth than the intermediate state

A sign you're growing in grace: You desire less stuff rather than simply buying more

A sign you're growing in grace: Places like Haiti, Dafur and Somolia aren't "missions targets", but family

A sign you're growing in grace: When you hear the word "sanctification," you think about Jesus & his work, not yours

A sign you're growing in grace: When speak about "the victorious Christian life" you're referring to Jesus, not you.

A sign you're growing in grace: Nothing makes your blood boil more than false gospels.

A sign you're growing in grace: When you think about "blessings" from God, suffering makes your list

A sign you're growing in grace: The passive righteousness of Jesus lights an active fire in your heart for kingdom work

A sign you're growing in grace: The phrase, "meriting God's favor" has been ripped from your salvific vocabulary

A sign you're growing in grace: You've got a whole lot more confidence in Jesus' prayers than yours

A sign you're growing in grace: You're content, even glad knowing that God sometimes answers your prayers with "No."

A sign you're growing in grace: You're increasingly less quarrelsome, sarcastic and easily offended

A sign you're growing in grace: The work "trafficking" moves you to work for justice, not complain about too many cars

A sign you're growing in grace: You don't care squat about infralapsarianism, but you'll defend the gospel with your life

A sign you're growing in grace: Less cynicism about other people's sins and more tears over your own

A sign you're growing in grace: You feel like you're just beginning to appreciate all the riches and depth of John 3:16

A sign you're growing in grace: You argue less about the timing of the Spirit's baptism & thirst 4 more of his fullness

A sign you're growing in grace: Your thoughts of heaven are more about the transforming of this world than escaping it

A sign you're growing in grace: You can enjoy God's gifts without reservation & share God's gifts without hesitation

A sign you're growing in grace: You don't linger at religious TV programming just to fuel contempt & make snide remarks

A sign you're growing in grace: You remember the names of your checkout attendants where you usually buy your groceries

A sign your'e growing in grace: It takes minutes not weeks to recognize when you've fallen back into works righteousness.

A sign you're growing in grace: You don't objecify your church for criticism. You weep with her as a member of the family.

A sign you're growing in grace. You unplug your affirmation-junkie umbilical cord from people by believing the gospel

A sign you're growing in grace: You don't trust signs, just Jesus

A sign you're growing in grace: You waste less food & time, and your committed giving is becoming cheerful giving

A sign you're growing in grace: You think about fixing people less and loving them more

A sign you're growing in grace: You will do everything you can NOT to do unnecessary damage to a person's reputation

A sign you're growing in grace: Prayer walks are yielding as much satisfaction as shopping sprees, maybe more.

A sign you're growing in grace: You enjoy, but you don't flaunt Christian liberty. Act like you been there before

A sign you're growing in grace: When at the "Y" or gym of choice, you do less mirror gazing and more working out

A sign you're growing in grace: Lent is not a season for navel-gazing introspection but cross-surveying celebration

A sign you're growing in grace: You don't do penance to impress Jesus; you do repentant faith which unites you to Jesus

A sign you're growing in grace: You don't have to form an opinion about everything, nor a need to always share yours

A sign you're growing in grace: The word "godliness" makes you think about what Jesus has done for you, not vice versa

A sign you're growing in grace: You're learning to repay good for evil without being self-righteous or pious about it.

A sign you're growing in grace: You laugh with louder gufaws, & cry with hotter tears, because the gospel is at work.

A sign you're growing in grace: The Bible reads you as much as you read the Bible

A sign you're growing in grace: You notice a person's dignity before you notice their depravity

A sign you're growing in grace: There are fewer pages in the little book in which you keep a record of wrongs done to you

A sign you're growing in grace: Your cry for a changed heart is louder than your cry for relief

A sign you're growing in grace: The word "overcomer" in Revelation makes you think about Jesus, THE Overcomer, not you.

A sign you're growing in grace: Repentance is becoming less something YOU do and more Someone you trust, namely, Jesus

A sign you're growing in grace: You don't pontificate judgment on a country if it experiences an earthquake or tsunami

A sign you're growing in grace: The more you understand your union with Christ the more you crave communion with Him

A sign you're growing in grace: You practice the anatomical ratio of ears to mouth: Listening twice as much as talking

A sign you're growing in grace: People you're talking with don't just hear your words but experience your presence

A sign you're growing in grace: You grieve how touchy, pouty and defensive you can be

A sign you're growing in grace: The gap between your sound doctrine and your actual discipleship is narrowing

A sign you're growing in grace: Because of God's grace at work in your heart, it's getting harder to gossip, nag & snarl

A sign you're growing in grace: You spend way less time stuck in the paralysis of analysis

A sign you're growing in grace: You don't appeal to the sovereignty of God as an excuse for your being lazy or foolish

A sign your'e growing in grace: If you don't know, you don't pretend you do.

A sign you're growing in grace: You stop trying to be an chameleon on scotch plaid... trying to keep everybody happy

A sign you're growing in grace: You ask, "What on earth is Jesus doing?", not, "What would Jesus do if he was here?"

A sign you're growing in grace: You know the difference between dialogue & diatribe when discussing theological matters

A sign you're growing in grace: You know when you're giving God a bit part in your story versus finding your place in His

A sign you're growing in grace: You boast IN your weaknesses but you don't boast about them. They don't define you.

A sign you're growing in grace: You're intentional about not spending all your time with Christians

A sign you're growing in grace: You know you're not anywhere close to being as free as Jesus intends

A sign you're growing in grace: The people who know you best would say you live more of a called life than a driven life

A sign you're growing in grace: You know if Jesus is calling you to do 3 things you can't afford to dabble with 17

A sign you're growing in grace: You know the difference between being obsessively busy and providentially busy

A sign you're growing in grace: Your inwards groans are getting louder and your eager waiting more intense. Rom.8:23

A sign you're growing in grace: You give God all the credit and praise for chocolate

A sign you're growing in grace: You want to trust again more than you want to stay stuck in your hurt

A sign you're growing in grace: The older you get the more you remember stuff your parents actually did right

A sign you're growing in grace: You are quicker at seeing and grieving YOUR bad attitude, than noticing anyone else's.

A sign you're growing in grace: You're doing a better job at stewarding the emotion of anger... less stewing & spewing

A sign you're growing in grace: You're neither a pessimist nor an optimist, but a gospel realist.

A sign you're growing in grace: You park your conscience under God's grace & when it drifts towards law, you yank it back

A sign you're growing in grace: You don't guilt very easily, either as victim or agent.

A sign you're growing in grace: No matter what anyone says about you, you realize the cross is your greatest critic & cure

A sign you're growing in grace: Your recovery time from irritability, resentment and smugness is getting shorter

A sign you're growing in grace: You don't privatize your relationship with Jesus. You're using more plural pronouns.

A sign you're growing in grace: You're thankful Jesus hasn't just forgiven all your sins, but also all your good works

A sign you're growing in grace: You go to bed each night not riddled with regrets but resting in Jesus' righteousness

A sign you're growing in grace: For every one look at yourself you take ten looks at Jesus- your righteousness & peace

A sign you're growing in grace: You long for your heart to come more fully alive to the love of Jesus

 

I’ll update as he tweets more related tweets Smile

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

the Wrath of God

Jesus saved us because He was a propitiation for our sin, He died for our sin and took the Wrath of God for us.  God saw our sin on Jesus and turned away. 

Sometimes I can be more moved looking at the physical suffering of Jesus when in fact, it was in fact Jesus suffering the wrath of God that is what saves us.  We can be moved and be emotional from looking at physical suffering, but why not from looking at how God’s wrath was directed towards Jesus instead of us.

If we don’t know the seriousness of sin and how hateful and evil it is, then we won’t understand fully what Jesus did for us.  Without knowing the depths of our sin, we won’t understand how great the wrath and fury of God was towards us and how much it means that Jesus, who is in eternal fellowship with God, took it upon Himself.

Lord, help us to see the depths of our sin and to battle it with all our being.  Help us to see what Grace you bestowed on us when you showed your love by sending your Son to the cross to be a propitiation.

“For there is no distinction: for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom God put forward as a propitiation by his blood, to be received by faith.”
-Romans 3:25

I need the Sword

“How anybody walks through this devil ruled world without a sword in their hand, is beyond me.”

-John Piper

Why Memorize Scripture?

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

neeed to refoocuss on Christ and eternity

Been feeling to worldly last few days.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Godly Discipline vs Legalism

Comment to Jon Acuff’s post:

http://www.jonacuff.com/stuffchristianslike/2011/02/using-fear-of-legalism-as-an-excuse-to-be-lazy/

“I think we need to understand that there is a difference between legalism and Godly discipline. Legalism is doing something because “thats what youre supposed to do”. Godly discipline on the other hand is doing it, not because you are supposed to, but doing it because you genuinely want to and you are looking to grow your relationship with God. I am guilty of doing things out of legalism all the time. Sometimes I sit back and think to myself about why I am reading my bible and praying and going to church? Is it because I want to get to know God or is it because, as a christian, that is what I am supposed to do? Some days I think its one reason, and some days I think its the other reason. Its something I struggle with and I ask God to help me with everyday.”

http://www.jonacuff.com/stuffchristianslike/2011/02/using-fear-of-legalism-as-an-excuse-to-be-lazy/comment-page-2/#comment-169829

the Gospel

Salvation is by Grace, Sanctification is by Grace….

“Salvation comes from the LORD.”

Jonah 2:9b

Sometimes, it feels scary, or uncomfortable, that we aren’t in control.  That we are justified by what Christ has done, by grace and not by our own works.  That we can’t do anything to “get closer” to God, to have desire for Him.  Desire, Passion for God is a gift.  All we do is have faith in Christ, that He is working in us and that we are being made into the image of Christ, holy. 

To understand the gospel is to know that we don’t actually know it.  Even the act of understanding of truly understanding the gospel is an act of grace, a gift from God.

Grace can be scary to us…

But Grace is beautiful…

It’s from a heart of gratitude that we worship and serve our God. 

_____________________________________________________________

play audio file with 42:30 mins left (“-42:30”)

http://www.desiringgod.org/resource-library/conference-messages/the-supremacy-of-christ-and-the-gospel-in-a-postmodern-world

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Grace Grace Grace

From DesiringGod.org…

Is Sanctification God's Effort or our effort?

Philippians 2:12-13—

Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.

Jonathan Edwards writes,

In efficacious grace we are not merely passive, nor yet does God do some and we do the rest. But God does all, and we do all. God produces all, we act all. For that is what produces, viz. [namely] our own acts. God is the only proper author and fountain; we only are the proper actors. We are in different respects, wholly passive and wholly active.
(The Works of Jonathan Edwards, Vol. 2, p. 557)

John Piper writes,

…it is a good fight because we are not left to our own strength in the fight. If we were, as Martin Luther says, "Our striving would be losing." In other words, when a child of God fights for joy in God, God himself is the one behind that struggle, giving the will and the power to defeat the enemy of joy (Philippians 2:12-13). We are not left to ourselves to sustain the joy of faith. God fights for us and in us. Therefore the fight of faith is a good fight.

God's work in us does not eliminate our work; it enables it. We work because he is the one at work in us. Therefore, the fight for joy is possible because God is fighting for us and through us. All our efforts are owing to his deeper work in and through our willing and working.
(When I Don't Desire God, pp. 38, 41)

C.S. Lewis,

On the whole, God's love for us is a much safer subject to think about than our love for Him. Nobody can always have devout feelings: and even if we could, feelings are not what God principally cares about. Christian Love, either towards God or towards man, is an affair of the will. If we are trying to do His will we are obeying the commandment, 'Thou shalt love the Lord thy God.' He will give us feelings of love if He pleases. We cannot create them for ourselves, and we must not demand them as a right. But the great thing to remember is that, though our feelings come and go, His love for us does not. It is not wearied by our sins, or our indifference; and, therefore, it is quite relentless in its determination that we shall be cured of those sins, at whatever cost to us, at whatever cost to Him.
(Mere Christianity)

This is one of the topics that I’ve been thinking a lot about recently. 

Real faith produces fruits.  It’s obvious that this is true if you read the Bible.  You have passages like James 2:22-25, or John 15.  And it makes sense!  If you believe and know who God is and who you are, I believe God’s love and grace would be irresistible; so much so that you would long to worship and serve Him.  Out of worship for God, fruits will come.

I think it’s good for Christians to stop and reflect on their lives.  Are you bearing fruit?  Is your life transformed by the gospel?  And for the past year, I’ve been thinking a lot about that in my own life.  But it’s only the last month or two, that I realized that I had a complete wrong response to all of it.  When I saw my lack of fruit, it wasn’t to Christ that I turned to, but to myself.  I questioned my faith, my passion….  I looked to my own self and forgot to look at Christ.

It is in Christ that we have FREEDOM.  Do we know what that means?  to have freedom of sin?

I remember 1-2 weeks ago, I had a week full of assignments and a midterm to top it all.  I was up late for a few days, and had to wake up early to finish an assignment.  When my midterm was over on Friday night, I literally felt a burden lift off my shoulders.  I was like “YAYYYYYYYYYYYYY, I’m done, I’m done, I’m done, I can relax and not worry!”

Do we say that of our sin?  Is sin so sinful to us that we feel the weight of it?  Such that when we realize that Jesus bore the sin of the world..OUR sin, and that He did it to free us because He loves us?  Do we see how much GRACE there is?

I look to Christ and trust that He is at work in me.  That in and of myself, I can’t do anything.

 

Grace Grace Grace

Yes, faith produces good deeds.  But you can’t have faith, or love without first looking at Christ.  Worship Him! 

Friday, January 28, 2011

RS 235 Jesus Life and Legacy

So this term I’m taking an RS course about Jesus’ life in the gospels.   A few days ago, I had an assignment that I had to do.  Basically, we had to compare three accounts of the same event (Matthew 12:22-32//Mark 3:20-30//Luke 11:14-23).

I’ve gone over and looked at overviews of the gospels in the past, but I don’t think I’ve really spent this much time look, comparing and explaining the differences between the authors, their purpose/theme of writing, their style and how it all affected the way they explained and wrote down an event in the gospels.  It’s just great that we have four different accounts of Jesus’ life and teachings which all emphasize different themes.

I was actually supposed to read the gospels in one sitting too (one at a time, not all four at once haha), but I haven’t yet.  =P

Anyways, I’m liking the course so far, though the lectures are a bit of a pain to go through haha; a little slow.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Failll

I want to post thoughts, like I said last week, but I also don’t want to post w/o organizing my thoughts properly and making it biblically sound.  And then, I don’t plan time to do so.  So what happens is I end up NOT having time to blog..goooossh

So I’ll just share this link to an article of Jon Acuff’s…that I’m sure everyone who reads this has dealt with…

http://www.jonacuff.com/stuffchristianslike/2011/01/the-trouble-with-fruit/

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

OK, I gotta get myself to start blogging again!

It’s been a long time since I last blogged, for multiple reasons.  I wasn’t in school the last term and was isolating myself and I was lazy too.  But I’m back in school this term, and there were a lot of times when I wanted to just write stuff down into blog form but never did it.

I’m going to try to do one blog post a week now based on stuff I’m learning have learnt in the past months, or conversations/sermons I’ve had.  One each week will give me time to put enough research into it and hopefully have more biblical references…. at least that’s the plan.

Basic stuff that I might write about, roughly:

  1. Desires, satisfaction in God not self
  2. Faith and anxiety
  3. Godly sorrow and repentance
  4. Grace, trust in Christ not yourself